


my words are often twisted— but don't you dare misunderstand me

by dal_segno



Series: jonghyun!!! on ice. [3]
Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - Skating, Character Study, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Ren is a JR Fanboy, Retirement, Swearing, We Die Like Men, weird narration, weird time skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29923845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dal_segno/pseuds/dal_segno
Summary: For the record, Minki Choi didn’t mean any of the things he said to Jonghyun Kim.Well, he did, but not in the way you’d think.
Relationships: Choi Minki | Ren & Kim Jonghyun | JR, Kim Jonghyun | JR/Aaron Kwak | Aron
Series: jonghyun!!! on ice. [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2108010
Kudos: 4





	my words are often twisted— but don't you dare misunderstand me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Got bored and wanted to write something so I went ahead and wrote another addition to my Jonghyun!!! on ICE AU! This fic goes through the Yuri!!! on ICE episodes, all 12 of them, in Minki's perspective! It doesn't go into the actual events, which I saved to write in JRon's POVs later on. Spoilers for the entire YOI series as usual. I hope you enjoy reading!

For the record, Minki Choi didn’t mean any of the things he said to Jonghyun Kim.

Well, he did, but not in the way you’d think.

When he said he wanted Kim to retire, he didn’t actually  _ want _ the older skater to disappear from the skating world. It was meant to fuel a fire inside Kim, not  _ discourage _ him from skating anymore. A few months after Worlds, headlines came out discussing Jonghyun Kim’s possible retirement in response to his string of failures in the Korean nationals and other competitions, Minki threw his phone into the wall. Sure, he had to buy another one and endure Jinah’s nagging, but his phone was due for an upgrade anyway.

Minki was well aware that sometimes the intent behind his words could be twisted into something else. He knew he came across as rude and angry and immature, but no one bothered to see beyond his many façades to see his true feelings, so what was the point in correcting them? It kept everyone at arm’s length and away from his explosive self. Nobody could claim they knew Minki like that.

Yet, the look in Jonghyun Kim’s eyes the day Minki told him to retire was  _ different _ . The way his shiny eyes bore into Minki’s soul— not in disappointment but in some sort of  _ fondness _ — made Minki’s heart wrench in his chest. Saying so many things that Minki couldn’t (or didn’t) want to understand, it was  _ kind  _ and  _ understanding _ . What part of an angry teenager screaming at a professional skater to retire made Kim look at him like that? Why? It was part of the reason Minki turned his heel so abruptly so Kim couldn’t see the tears pooling up in his eyes.

Minki had said all those awful things because he didn’t want his favourite skater to see right through his fears. He didn’t want Kim to stop gracing the ice. He just wanted to keep Kim on the ice until Minki made his senior debut so he could compete with the Ace of Korea. The American skater was so, so scared that his inspiration would just  _ stop _ before he could show the world what Minki saw in him when he first watched his Junior Worlds performance all those years ago.

Now because of his greed and fear, Jonghyun Kim might never come back to the ice. And Minki will never skate in the same competition as Kim.

What then?

There’s a lot of good skaters,  _ better _ skaters than Kim out there. Hell, there’s even the  _ living legend _ Aaron Kwak he could skate against if Minki really wanted to. But he didn’t want better skaters or skaters who actually knew how to fucking land a salchow properly— Minki wanted Jonghyun Kim. The Jonghyun Kim who owned the ice and drank up all the music in every movement even when he fucked up the simplest of jumps and spirals.

Everything Minki did was to drive away people who wanted to be close to him, but he’s starting to regret all the words he said to Jonghyun Kim.

But let’s return to the night after the Grand Prix Finals in Sochi first, shall we?

-

“Can’t I sit out of this banquet, Jinah?” Minki hisses at Jinah while she runs down a list of potential investors. “It’s the same shit every year, and we’ve already got me enough fucking investors.”

The woman, curse her ass, is largely unfazed by Minki’s complaints. She starts talking about math of all things and it’s clear that she won’t fucking shut up until Minki agrees to going to the banquet. He nibbles at his perfectly manicured nails, not worrying much about damaging his art for once. There’s things flying around in Minki’s head that are much more important than his fucking  _ nails _ . He reasons that he’ll just paint a new layer of red on them later on.

Besides, how can he even concentrate on the banquet when someone (read: Jonghyun Kim), who he literally screamed at a few hours prior, might be attending. Jinah says something about how Jiyoung Park and her only senior skater Jonghyun Kim are coming to the stupid banquet too. It’s the only thing Minki can hear for miles above the beating of his heart.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Choi knows he’s being rude but this time, it’s not on purpose. He really didn’t want to face Jonghyun Kim right after Minki shouted at him to retire because who knows what shit will go down. If any hint of fear shows on his face, Jinah makes no comment on it.

“I said,” Jinah starts slowly like Minki is a child, “Miss Jiyoung and Jonghyun Kim, Ace of Korea, are attending the banquet. Aren’t you obsessed with Kim? Why do you seem so…” She gestures vaguely into the air. “Tense? Did he do something?”

She steps closer and eyes Minki’s posture. He immediately straightens before she says anything. Another question hangs in the air in front of him, not needing to be spoken out loud.

“No, I did.” The junior skater slumps against the cold wall and quickly recoils. He hisses to the wall as if it was at fault. “Forget it, I’m not going to that stupid fucking banquet and you can’t fucking make me.”   
  


His coach’s eyes glimmer dangerously. Minki gulps, almost regretting arguing her about it. He knows this devious look, one that he and Aaron have been at the end of many times. Even a total dumbass would know this means trouble. Big trouble.

Before Jinah can open her mouth, Minki gives in, however reluctant. “Fucking hell, I’ll go. Just let me drink one glass of champagne or wine or what-fucking-ever and I’ll go.”

A laugh bubbles from Jinah’s throat, then comes a softer smile. She says nothing more and turns to leave Minki’s hotel room (which he shares with the ever annoying Aaron Kwak). Her hand on the doorknob stills for a moment as she looks back at her student with calculating eyes. It’s almost the same as Kim’s eyes after Minki had shouted at him.  _ Weird _ , Minki thinks, shivering at the similarities.

“Oh, and before I forget.” Jinah smiles with an emotion Minki can’t quite place. “Aaron will be looking after you at the banquet. Don’t kill him.”

Ah, of course. “I can’t fucking believe you!” But Minki smiles all the same when the door closes and Jinah scampers away to find her best friend Jiyoung.

-

The banquet is nothing like the boring, stuffy, business-minded event Minki usually attends every year after snatching another gold medal. Jonghyun (no longer Kim, because Minki doesn’t have any more respect for the man) is happily drunk and does whatever he pleases, and Minki couldn’t be more amused. He was scared that Jonghyun would lash out at him because drunk people are rarely nice to those who have wronged them, but Jonghyun did none of that.

Instead, he smiles and challenges Minki to a dance off that Minki loses with torn dignity without ever acknowledging anything about what happened in the bathroom earlier. And fuck, Jonghyun’s smiles are literally made out of sunshine, no wonder why Aaron seems to be completely enamoured with the man. It’s almost disgusting if Minki isn’t also smiling at the pair of them.

Aaron’s shoulders are no longer stiff and almost reaching his ears. His heart-smile smile reaches his ears, a sight that Minki hasn’t seen since he started skating alongside Aaron on the ice. There’s a slight strain to them with how Aaron’s cheeks shake a bit from the tension, but even Minki can tell that it’s genuine; nothing like the smiles Aaron plasters on at interviews.

The living legend of the skating world’s been reduced to a lovesick teenager, and somehow Minki can’t find it in himself to find it the slightest bit annoying. Not when he knows how it feels to push down your emotions under lock and key for skating. It’s the one thing he knows he and Aaron have in common. Seeing Aaron laugh, smile, and dance freely like never before is so new, yet so right like Minki’s seen him do this before.

It makes him think about the emptiness in Aaron’s eyes only a few weeks prior. Aaron will always smile and shrug off any concern with a witty joke, but everyone knows he’s not the same. Everyone’s been talking about his retirement that’s looming over the horizon at his age, but here in this banquet hall that smells like alcohol and sweat, Minki can see the life returning to Aaron. His movements may be sloppy compared to Jonghyun’s ballerina-like advances yet it’s obvious that Aaron’s  _ living _ . He may have been alive, but he sure as hell wasn’t living on the ice. This? This is different.

Minki’s phone continues to snap pictures of every scene while vehemently denying that he fucking hates the sights in front of him. He flicks off Dongho’s teases with petty claims of blackmail material because where else was he going to get dirt on Aaron like this? Both skaters know it’s nothing but a fucking lie because all Minki does is lie to people’s faces so they won’t pry any more than they do.

But this? Not even he can lie about how happy he and Aaron seem at the hands of a drunk Korean man slurring out what are likely love confessions to the silver-haired man who doesn’t understand a damn thing. It’s silent when Jonghyun leaves, and even quieter when Aaron heads to his room without a word, eyes dazed and lips trembling.

If Cinderella can have her happiness before the clock strikes twelve, then Aaron can be happy for one fucking banquet too.

And while Minki would never admit it out loud, he wants Aaron to be happy beyond the hands of the clock. Perhaps Minki himself wanted that too, for what it’s worth.

-

The next time Minki sees Jonghyun is on a viral Youtube video of him skating to Aaron’s routine for the 2020 season. There’s no music in the raw video uploaded by user jeongcheolskate yet every twist and jump are clearly of Aaron’s free skate routine. 

Other videos of the routine with less views than the original edited Stammi Vicino onto Jonghyun’s skate, while others comment on what this means for either Jonghyun or Aaron. Most of the commentary videos aren’t so subtle with their clear dislike for Jonghyun, much to Minki’s annoyance. 

Did they not see how Jonghyun skated? What was there to dislike about Jonghyun? Minki is sure that if Jonghyun could finally land some of the more difficult jumps and keep his feet on the ice, he’d definitely overtake Aaron as a living legend. That isn’t to say that Minki would let Jonghyun trample over him and win, no. It would mean better competition and something to motivate Minki to work harder. Yeah, that’s it. Definitely not the fact that Minki absolutely loves Jonghyun in his own prickly way. Hell no!

Minki continues to go about his daily practice as usual with Jonghyun’s video in mind. What was the Korean man trying to achieve? The skates skidded to a stop as Minki thought about it. Counting the months, it must have been over a year from December 2018 to now, March 2020 since the Sochi GPF. Why skate Aaron’s routine now of all times after leaving Aaron devastated with no Jonghyun in sight. He hadn’t even called or texted Aaron in the past year for fuck’s sake. It was clear that Jonghyun didn’t want anything to do with Aaron even when the two gave each other awful heart eyes all throughout the banquet.

What was the video supposed to be? A call to Aaron to love Jonghyun? Perhaps, but somehow Minki couldn’t feel that intent through the video. Then, an apology? No, he didn’t look sad. If anything, Jonghyun looked at peace and calm, nothing like someone with an apology to make. Minki’s list of possible intentions becomes shorter, though his list of questions grows longer by the second.

Even more questions are made when he finds out Aaron’s no longer in California, having gone off to who knows where. Jinah only smiles at Minki with a know-it-all expression in her face when he demands for answers.

_ Bastard _ , Minki thinks as his kicks at the ice.  _ All over one man. _

-

Jonghyun is very underwhelming in real life, Minki learns as he arrives in Gangwon. Not that he was any better through the screen, so Minki couldn’t say he didn’t expect this much.

But somehow, it’s what he needs. Jonghyun is quiet and reserved, unlike the people where Minki is from. There’s a silent understanding between the two of them, even when Minki is brash and hotheaded. This part of Gangwon is quiet too; it’s nothing like the bustling state of California. It unnerves Minki at first, but he eventually comes to value the quiet landscape enough that he doesn’t mind the cicadas when April comes to a close.

Though Minki’s initial reason for coming to Gangwon is different from his reason to stay for a while, he intends to hold Aaron to his promise. It’s no surprise that Aaron’s an airhead sometimes, but it’s really fucking annoying that he somehow forgot to make a routine for Minki’s senior debut, complete with quads and all.

It’s even worse when Aaron decides that Minki and Jonghyun should do opposing short program routines— Eros, sexual love for the timid Jonghyun, and Agape, unconditional love for the thorny Minki. There was no way either of them could pull off such concepts so foreign to themselves when neither had experienced such love. Minki thought that if he could fake it enough, no one would know how he actually felt about the fucking program. But of course, Aaron saw right through him and forced him to embody such love.

Life goes on in Gangwon. Despite not knowing Korean and getting stupid nicknames like “tokki”, whatever the fuck that meant, Gangwon is comfortable. Jonghyun’s family runs an inn and farm and that fact alone seems so  _ Jonghyun _ too. The underwhelming-ness of Jonghyun just seems so right too. It’s not like Jonghyun needed to be loud and everything anyway; that was more of Minki’s style.

Their short programs eventually make sense as the two practice for the Gangwon on ICE exhibition skate, especially when they’ve found their “love” at last. For Minki, Agape comes in the form of his grandparents, who’ve basically raised him as their own. He misses them both in this foreign land so much. Sometimes he wonders how they feel about their grandson coming this far in his career and as a person. Minki doesn’t think he changed all that much.

Jonghyun’s is a little less conventional, his Eros having taken the form of his favourite dish. He comes up with it while eating dinner and discussing costumes for the program. As Minki snorts and looks to the side to see Aaron’s reaction, he’s met with a stony look and a fake smile. Either Jonghyun doesn’t notice or pretends not to, since he doesn’t react to Aaron’s almost scary reaction. Minki says nothing of it too.

That night, he peeks through a small crack in Aaron’s room to see several bottles of alcohol and red eyes. Aaron mumbles something about heartache and love to himself. Part of Minki wants to ask what’s wrong, but he only walks away. It’s not for him to know, at least not yet. It’s hard to sleep that night.

He lies awake wondering what happened to the two men since coming to stay with Jonghyun. The banquet made it clear that Aaron had fallen for Jonghyun the very moment the drunk bastard threw himself onto the older skater. If Aaron knew where to find Jonghyun in Korea, then the latter must’ve tattled on about his family’s inn. Then what?

Jonghyun is awkward, and even worse when Aaron attempts to flirt with him. It’s enough to make Minki hurl kimchi whenever he sees them. Initially Minki thought that the Korean skater was just holding back out of embarrassment, yet as the days go on, he doesn’t react to any of Aaron’s references to the banquet.

Has he forgotten? Drunk people can forget the shit they did while drunk, right?   
  


Minki falls into a fitful sleep, wondering if Aaron knows this too or if he’s given up on trying to make Jonghyun remember. Aaron’s hiccups and sobs next door somehow lull him to sleep.

Then the exhibition event comes and people and reporters flock to Gangwon. It’s nothing that Minki hasn’t experienced but it somehow feels different this time around. Maybe because of the stakes, maybe because he knows he won’t win. Not with the way Aaron looks at Jonghyun like that. Not with the way Minki can barely feel the Agape in his movements. He’s not the slightest bit bothered by it even though he should be— he can always win gold later. And besides, Jonghyun needs Aaron’s coaching (and love) much more than Minki does.

Minki doesn’t bother staying after Jonghyun finishes his routine. With a ticket and his passport under his arm, he makes his way to the airport on his own. Maybe Aaron will come looking for him with Jonghyun in tow, maybe not. People rarely look for Minki when he’s gone except for Aaron and Jinah anyway. If anything, he’s pretty sure they want him gone. The thought freezes him in place as he picks up his suitcase from the wooden tiles of the New East Inn.

He only realizes that he’s shaking when Mama Kim rubs his back in a way not so unlike his grandmother. She says nothing, bless her, and helps him reach the airport. One of Jonghyun’s older sisters drives him in a van and only tells Minki that he can’t make a mess of the vehicle as he eats.

As the buildings of Gangwon become smaller and smaller through the plane’s window, Minki thinks about how he already misses the underwhelming Jonghyun and his underwhelming town.

-

It’s not until the Rostelecom Cup that Minki meets Jonghyun and Aaron again. There’s a different feel to the two of them since Minki’s time in Gangwon. Obviously, there’s no way you kiss someone on the ice and ever go back into being just a coach and student. Disgusting as it was to watch Aaron and Jonghyun make out on live television, Minki mused that maybe Jonghyun found a way to love Aaron again.

Whatever, it’s not like Minki cared about what the old man did to the pig.

Or that’s what he convinced himself to believe.

That damn Mark Lee steals what should’ve been his gold medal, but Minki can’t say he didn’t anticipate it. He knows that his short program was lacking this time around with the absence of his grandparents who promised him they’d come. He doesn’t blame them of course, but it doesn’t diminish the fact that he couldn’t skate his best, not even during the free skate.

Jonghyun Kim doesn’t skate his best either. Aaron had to rush to Gangwon because of an emergency involving both his and Jonghyun’s dogs (Kkotsoonie and Noah, Minki remembers) and Jonghyun was left alone. Damn, Minki knew the two of them were attached at the hip but without Aaron, Jonghyun is a fucking mess.

It’s then that Minki realises that maybe, just maybe, he isn’t so different from Jonghyun.

He’s always held the Korean man in high regard from his fateful Junior Worlds performance, but it only really sinks in that he likes the man beyond just his skating. Though he’s said so many things to him, Jonghyun doesn’t get mad or tell Minki to piss off like he should. They’re so different yet so alike. How does Jonghyun even stand him?

Him, an angry teenager who’s scared of letting anyone come close. Him, someone who threatened to take the one person Jonghyun needed away from him because of his greed.

Minki Choi, the person who hopes that his homemade kimbap will make Jonghyun less sad while Aaron’s away.

Fuck, since when was he so  _ soft _ ?

“I know a really good hot-pot place here,” Minki says to break the silence. “Aaron brought me there after competitions.” He crosses his freezing fingers behind his back.

To his surprise, Jonghyun smiles a little. “Lead the way, Minki.”

All of Aaron’s and Jinah’s calls go unanswered as they happily eat away.

  
  


-

Barcelona greets Minki with a winter breeze as soon as he steps out of the hotel. There’s no one rooming with him since Aaron, his usual roommate, went off to be with Jonghyun. Not that Minki minds; it gives the excuse to scream himself hoarse to Lady Gaga songs.

Still, it’s different with Aaron around. Minki doesn’t know if it’s the good kind or not. The old man’s happier than Minki’s ever seen in years, and Jonghyun’s skating is so much better too. It’s made for better competition and pushes him to do better. If there’s one thing he wants to do, it’s beating Jonghyun fair and square. 

Jonghyun comes to the GPF’s short program with a golden band on his ring finger the next day. He looks at peace, as if the results of this year’s Grand Prix won’t affect his feelings for skating and Aaron. At least, that’s what it looks like to Minki. He doesn’t know anything beyond his own speculation.

The Grand Prix Finals’ short program begins and ends. Scores are given, and Minki’s in the lead with Jonghyun following closely behind. It’s exhilarating, and frightening. All the scores are only a few points away from Minki’s; one fall and it could cost Minki first place. Yet he’s not scared. He’ll shred the ice with everything he’s got, fuck anything else.

Morning comes and the free skate is on. Whereas Minki feels more confident than ever, he notices the fatigue of Aaron and Jonghyun. They don’t look each other in the eye, and Minki wonders if they’ve had a fight. And what that fight was about. If it was about Jonghyun’s retirement, hell he’d have kicked up a fuss about it too. No way in hell was Jonghyun going to retire like that!

So Minki skates. He skates with more conviction than he ever has before, going as far as to change some of his jumps for more points. He skates with his heart on his sleeve like never before. Glaring at the kiss and cry, he hopes his message is clear enough.

_ Don’t fucking retire, you pig. Not when I’ve just started skating on the same ice as you. Don’t be a coward. _

Minki’s well aware of his words getting misunderstood, but the ice is his whole heart and soul. There’s no way he’s letting Jonghyun Kim misunderstand his soul, not like this.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my [ twitter account ](https://twitter.com/nuestlovebot)! Maybe drop me a comment, request, or kudos? Thanks!


End file.
